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February 27, 2006

Women are just as bad

I picked up some sort of lunch pack for Jeri the other day, I don't remember exactly what it was- I just remember that it was sitting in the vicinity of all her other Lunchable box things. She however, perhaps because of the lack of toy or candy has refused to eat it. In stark likeness to my father, I continued to set this out for her day after day just as he would that omelette that I would refuse to eat. Finally since I didn't have the heart to start rubbing her nose in it, I gave up and took the damned thing with me this morning. I'm still not quite sure what it was, it was gone in all of two bites and left me growing cranky, so I headed downstairs to the gorgeous cafeteria.

It so happened that today was the day that all paramedics who have traipsed through my empire were in line to procure plates of ambrosia, and I found myself behind a group of them at the Festive Chicken Caesar Chavez Calad line (I'm guessing the misspelling was intentional). As I waited for my plate of grub I watched as the server refused to take her eyes of the breasts of the girl in front of me. The lettuce was tossed in a more seductive way than I've ever seen before; the tomatoes (I don't recall ever being in a Caesar salad before) were seen flying through the air with such erotic fervor as to immediately wilt the leaves. As the girl asked for more dressing, I watched as it was applied with the zeal of whipping cream or honey to one's mates thighs and loin. I then had to stand and wait, and wait and wait until the girl had walked away before Ms. Cafeteria Woman could peel her eyes off (I'm guessing here) the girl's buttock region and acknowledge my demands for calad.

I stood patiently, waiting for the same erotic show but instead found a meager array of iceberg (also unfamiliar to the Caesar arena), tomatoes and 3 cups of dressing.

Contrived by Joshua at February 27, 2006 12:24 PM

Comments

I consider myself to be quite the ceasar salad connoisseur, and no there are no tomatoes. That seems to be the mistake that haunts the ceasar industry. I am glad someone else loses sleep over this also.

Posted by: Will at March 5, 2006 09:22 PM

I keep asking Jeri and since she keeps refusing to answer I'll ask you. Do employees of the Red Cross get free cookies, crackers and Pepsi?

I'm digging up a resume in case you provide a hearty "Yes!"

Posted by: Joshua at March 5, 2006 10:16 PM

Yes in fact we do get to enjoy the finer things in life like crackers, juice, and pepsi. I'm trying to tell your wife to apply, but she seems willing to give her skills life to sonora quest. In fact we need people, so even at this beggining point of my employment I feel that I would have some pull in getting Jeri a job. I have been talking to the woman in HR and she tells me to recomend employment with the red cross to anyone with phlebotomy or equivalent experience. I am willing to give a recomendation.

Posted by: Will at March 7, 2006 07:06 PM

Damn...even though she's not a sucker for the free food, I am. Ask your HR gal if I'm qualified. "Well...he does take blood out of um...dead people..." The expression should be pretty good.

Posted by: Joshua at March 7, 2006 07:17 PM

Oh believe me, after working a fourty hour week, plus an astonishingly busy saturday, getting home at 8:00 pm on tues, having a meeting after an eight hour day on BOTH wed and thurs (apparently wednesdays meeting is to rag out the employee's) im seriously keeping an eye on my friend Will at the REd Cross. Though, Im waiting until the honeymoon period is over and the real shit sets in to decide.

Posted by: doodle at March 7, 2006 07:52 PM

That sounds good Joshua, you and I will work for the red cross, and we can tell Jeri how amazing the cookies and juice are. Jeri you have a couple more months to decide the next hire date is in May. I can already tell It's going to be a cool job. Lots of sitting down because every other day you do health histories, and bag issue both of those are no stress sit down jobs. they have a nice little pension plan also. You better be thinking about switching your loyalty to the red cross. After all we save lives, and last time I heard sonora quest does not.

Posted by: Will at March 7, 2006 09:02 PM

Excellente. Should I give notice today, or do I have to wait until May. I am a bit attached to my dermestid beetles, and can't abandon them. You'll need to clear some counter space in the break room.

Posted by: Joshua at March 8, 2006 06:00 AM

Free cookies, juice and crackers? Man, all we get here is the occasional free DVD. Oh well.

Posted by: Mr. Brunson at March 8, 2006 12:42 PM

I suggest you give notice now. You and the beetles will have a spot waiting for you when ever you are ready. In think Jeri won't leave sonora quest because she feels a great bond with Stephanie that she works with. I just don't think she is ready to give that up at this point in her career. After all she has men standing in line for her. I just don't get how Jeri manages to fit in the same room as her.

Posted by: Will at March 8, 2006 02:35 PM

Free DVD's? Ok, the new plan is part time at the Red Cross, Part time with Mr. Brunson, and Jeri takes the beetles to Sonora Quest.

Posted by: Joshua at March 8, 2006 07:08 PM

good God, the hours that Sonora Quest requires of me, give the man a video already!!! Thats porn for edification. Which, considering we have to get sperm samples, could come in handy. Hey Willy. Do you get to see thousands of sperm under the microscope? didnt think so. Pipette much? Im long over getting that buffy stuff into my tubes too ill have you know. Dont get all puffy with me mr. clipboard!

Posted by: wife at March 8, 2006 07:12 PM

Well Jeri it sounds like your husband realizes where he belongs. Have fun with the beetles.

Posted by: Will at March 9, 2006 03:50 PM

I'm bringing the beetles with me, Jeri would let them "return to the wild".

Posted by: Joshua at March 9, 2006 04:11 PM

Two things that shouldn't be discussed in the same paragraph: Stephanie, pornorgraphy.

Wait, by god there IS a market though, Mr. Brunson, bring some cameras and lighting equipment. Will....batter up!

Posted by: Joshua at March 9, 2006 04:15 PM

Mr. Brunson...regarding Stephanie, just close your eyes and thing Carla Hogue. Carla Hogue.

Posted by: Joshua at March 9, 2006 04:16 PM

You mean Carla "HUGE"? Didn't she have a little(younger, not smaller) sister named Carlina?

Posted by: Mr. Brunson at March 9, 2006 04:23 PM

I think she was supposed to be younger, but it seemed like they were in the same classes for some reason.

I bet she still sits outside Mama's Pizza and hangs out with the hessians.

Posted by: Joshua at March 9, 2006 09:07 PM