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April 11, 2006

It's About Fucking Time

Jeri has apparently lifted the moratorium on guests in our cottage; since she hasn't said anything about the reasons behind this, I'm going to go ahead and A S S U M E that it had something to do with Gary and my behaviour during their last visit. I maintain, that it's perfectly reasonable for grown men to revisit their childhood and assemble a beer bong out of car parts. (What is the proper grammatical structure for "Gary and my"? Anyway, I digress.

We will be hosting the Petersons from Utah, the Theads from Bumfuck Oro Valley, the Brunsons from Tucson, and the Newsons from Gilbert. This means, I will be securing an amazing supply of beer, and will make repeated messes in the kitchen. Are they all coming at the same time? I haven't been made privy to this fact just yet, only that they're coming and I apparently have to paint the living room before they come. Again.

The first time Jeri and I painted together, at the old house on 2nd Avenue, she deemed my painting to be not quite good enough. Red flecks dotted the furniture, carpet, tile, and couch. I was forbidden to paint ever again. Somehow she changed her mind, and I've since been coerced into painting quarterly. I should capture some video footage of this next endeavor for your viewing pleasure (Jeri's quite silly when she's gotten paint sloshed in her hair).

Look for the invites in the mail, what activities should be have?

Contrived by Joshua at April 11, 2006 09:29 PM

Comments

Funny, I'm not privy to any of those discussions either. Activities? How about the ladies go off to the Michael's outlet and the boys play X-Box and drink beer? Oh, and I have a job for you. A very important job that I see you should be able to handle with ease.

Posted by: A Newson from Gilbert at April 12, 2006 09:28 AM

I'm ready for my assigment. I am clapping my hands like an idiot in anticipation of the xbox tourney. What's my assignment?

Posted by: Joshua at April 12, 2006 01:10 PM

Finally a partial invite. It seems to me that Joshua is the only Lopez making any effort in getting us all together. I guess that Jeri is to busy, or worse yet she is making best friends with the neighbors. Please say it isn't so Joshua. However beer drinking and fighting to the death on the Microsoft gaming machine is right up my alley.

Posted by: Will at April 12, 2006 06:36 PM

I, Jeri Lopez do formally invite the Newsons and the Theads to our home for food, beer and x-box activities on May 27,
Saturday. Please RSVP so we know how much beer Ladies are the designated drivers, as men historically overestimate their ability to handle such beverages.

Posted by: doddle at April 12, 2006 07:31 PM

WHAT ABOUT THE PETERSONS!

Posted by: Joshua at April 13, 2006 09:46 AM

With the exception of the elderly couple across the street, Jeri hates the neighbours. She calls our street Sonora Quest Avenue.

Posted by: Joshua at April 13, 2006 05:51 PM

Will you are a TRAITOR. Considering you and I are best friends, you always seem to have time to talk to Joshua, but not me. I will have to invite Stephanie (The red headed one) in your place. The NEWSONS are still welcome, however.

Posted by: doddle at April 13, 2006 07:18 PM

Whoa whoa whoa....what about the couch?

Posted by: Joshua at April 13, 2006 09:28 PM

I guess thats ok. However Like Joshua said what about the couch? You will be putting the furniture you own in extreme danger.

Posted by: Will at April 14, 2006 10:31 PM

What about the Peterson's

Posted by: Kerry at April 20, 2006 01:38 PM

Yeah Jeri, what about the Peterson's? SOME of us would like to one day avoid these ghastly summers.

Posted by: Joshua at April 20, 2006 05:25 PM

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Posted by: Kerry at April 21, 2006 09:36 AM

Come on Jeri, this is no longer funny. Think, green grass, blue skies, cool weather, putting snow down my shirt, the University of Utah Women's Gymnastic Team, your introduction to scotch etc.

(Whoa...those tick ticks are doing funny things to my eyes currently).

Posted by: Joshua at April 21, 2006 12:12 PM

Im a little concerned about someone who is willing to insert that many ticks. tooo much free time, speed, i dont know what. LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT I AM WILLING TO PACK MY BAGS THIS VERY INSTANT TO MOVE TO UTAH.

Posted by: doddle at April 22, 2006 02:59 PM

Jeri let me get this straight. You will move to Utah at the drop of a hat, thus meaning you would be leaving Sonora Quest without finishing your six month (personal) commitment. Well Jeri I see you would be willing to break that for Utah, but not the Red Cross. I think even if it's not the Red Cross you should try and find another lab to work for. Yelling at you for not getting a " thirty vein minimum" is fucked up. Damn I just realized with wisdom like that I need to be a therapist.

Posted by: will at April 23, 2006 10:13 AM

Im in training Will. Boot camp for Phlebotomists. I guess you dont understand, you come from a "money for nothing" generation, but im older Will, and i come from a generation that wants to dedicate themselves to a company and retire from there.

Posted by: doddle at April 23, 2006 11:05 AM

Jeri, you are not old, you're not dying and you're not a bad girl. Now, back to discussing my piles...

Posted by: Joshua at April 23, 2006 02:03 PM

No, I do not want to see your "pile" already!

Posted by: doddle at April 23, 2006 05:15 PM

Joshua please tell Jeri that Metal,Beer, Fear Factory, and more Beer come first, then Sonora Quest. Ah who the fuck am I kidding everything should come before Sonora Quest. I mentioned all of those because I know Jeri loves her brutal metal and beer. Nothing better than drinking beer, painting, and brutal ass ripping metal, right Jeri.

Posted by: Will at April 23, 2006 08:31 PM

Jeri,
Your concern is certainly justifiable.

Will,
Pleasure to make your acquaintance, keep up the good work.

Jeri,
I wouldn't put up with that!

Will,
I do not think your point is clear to Jeri.

Joshua,
Prep. H

Posted by: Kerry at April 24, 2006 10:26 AM

Here's my point:
http://www.visceraman1.com/images/piles.jpg

My piles are a constant source of discomfort, no thanks to Sonora Quest.

Will: Kerry has saved more lives than the Red Cross.

Posted by: Joshua at April 24, 2006 10:56 AM

Throw back genetics ... clearly someone is a bit closer to the Orangutan. Sorry about the mis-diagnosis.

Posted by: Kerry at April 24, 2006 11:22 AM

You're okay with the mis diagnosis. After waiting the requisite 4 months for my appointment, and the 45 minutes in the waiting room, my doctor looked at it, stabbed at it with his pen and said it might be from excessive wiping. I'm still waiting for the follow up appt.

Posted by: Joshua at April 24, 2006 11:42 AM

You can never be to tidy. Try this ... consume as much Dave's Hot Sauce as you can over the next 8 hours (e.g.,in bloody Mary's, chili, salsa ...) take home some of the good toilet paper (like they have at work,) let Mother Nature (the feminine nurturer) run her course. Let me know if that rectumfies the problem.

Posted by: Kerry at April 24, 2006 12:16 PM

My ass just squeezed out some sympathy blood just thinking about that. Were the others just as hot, or are they more controllable?

Posted by: Joshua at April 24, 2006 01:27 PM

A half a roll of toilet paper constitutes wasteful, not tidy. If you want a clean ass, do like the europeans do, wash it.

Posted by: doodle at April 24, 2006 07:39 PM

Oh lord here we go again, "Joshua, you only need 1 square of toilet paper for wiping, 2 if we had Taco Bell..." I miss the bidet greatly, but I also know that it was important to Kerry that his department install one during the expansion project; and if you would send your damn resume to Tom, we could use it.

On Tuesdays, never on Wednesdays Thursdays or Fridays. (Mondays are a lottery).

Oh and free Kurt Beer!

Posted by: Joshua at April 24, 2006 09:44 PM

I will have to side with Jeri here if you buy triple roll Charmin .. if you buy the single roll stuff, then sometimes a half a roll is required to complete the task. Who wants clingons?

From "Genius? Me too!" April 5, 2006 @ 7:36 P.M., I quote from doodle .. "I'll tell you what you can lick buddy, my sweaty hard workin ass"

Hummmmm! In light of the above comments this has new meaning?

Joshua, does doodle have a sence of humor, or should I bend over and kiss my clean fragranced ass good by?

Posted by: Kerry at April 25, 2006 08:37 AM

It's me that insists on the extra thick, hand sewn, quilted, with Aloe, Vitamins D & E toilet paper. Jeri leans towards the $.31/roll variety, which doubles as sandpaper. It takes nearly half a roll just to provide enough padding, but even then it causes excruciating pain.

Doodle has one of the best senses of humour on the market. She's not going to go easy on you though.

Posted by: Joshua at April 25, 2006 09:41 AM

I do not think the term European works in the context of clean ass. I have higher standards, like Joshua!

I just did one line, then copy/paste.
Not speed, but if you have any reds!
Isn't what on second?

Posted by: Kerry at April 25, 2006 11:50 AM

What's on third.

Posted by: Joshua at April 25, 2006 03:17 PM

Who is on second.

Posted by: Kerry at April 27, 2006 09:19 AM

That's right...who's on first

Posted by: Joshua at April 27, 2006 09:39 AM

Idontknow.

Posted by: Kerry at April 27, 2006 10:11 AM

Happy Birthday Doodle. May you be healthy, wealthy, and wise.

Posted by: Kerry at April 28, 2006 10:06 AM