Visceraman1 - Joshua Lopez

God it's nice being at home at this time of day. I went into work this morning, got what I wanted to do, and almost feel "ahead" of things. Naturally, this just means all hell will break loose over the weekend...but other than typing that, I'm not going to give another thought. It's a good feeling, just walking out the door at High Noon, and knowing that all I have to do this afternoon is a bit of practicing, a lesson and some piping throughout. I get to see my lovely wife in a few hours, and get to watch her stuff her cheeks full of beans. I'll take her to her supply store, and perhaps return some videos as well. It's quite peaceful! I have a four day weekend ahead of me, and a sizable stack of books waiting for me to leaf through; it's going to be hot outside - the perfect temperature actually for sprawling out with a good book and cold beer. (God I can hear myself getting fat).

My much anticipated package arrived yesterday from Habana Premium, I've yet to write a review of Armada so I won't dwell too deeply on it's finer qualities, just know it leaves a warm buttery taste in my mouth. Sunza Bitches is good too, I have to give it more time and thought to describe it.

Sonora Quest Laboratories is a wretched establishment.

Posted by Joshua at 01:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

It's been quite a few years since I had walked through the Swap Meet here in Tucson. The last time I went, it was stiil on the corner of Tanque Verde and Grant, and denizens of Tucson's eastside hadn't been converted to the sheep that they are today. After making sure Jeri got her nachos, and the sun went down we headed out towards the Swap Meet. On the way there, I drove through Mario's old neighbourhood - although I couldn't find Parkside Dr., I showed Jeri the infamous reefer truck used for storing dead border crossers, and showed her the warehouse where my mom insists I was involved in drug trafficking. (It was a Frito-Lay warehouse, I'm not sure where she got the idea that we were trafficking...).

The swap meet sucked for the most part; for some reason every other booth was selling mexican chips and candy, and the alternate booths were selling cheap toys and stereo equipment from Mexico. On occasion, we would stumble across a booth selling bonafide junk. In one of these booths, Jeri got herself a metal pail for her painting gear: we were educated a bit about this pail, it was made right here in the U.S.of A! Can you believe that shit? A pail made in the U. S. of A.!

At another booth, I picked up an estate pipe - I made mention of that in a prior entry comment; thanks to the kind folks at ASP, I've learned that it's an oom pall, made by the Medico Pipe Company. It didn't need much cleaning up at all, and smokes pretty good. It's a pretty pipe. Soft, smooth and elegant. I got Jeri some dead bugs, and a compass as well. She was a bit upset that I bought these for her, but was easily distracted by the man telling stories about mining camps in New York, and how the City of Tucson was hoping to raze all developments existing East of Alvernon as they were an embarrassment to the City. (I support them on this, but not on the planting of fruit trees downtown).

Posted by Joshua at 04:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I was mildly afraid of the green and gold pouch that lay in my Altadis Sampler box. It was not an aromatic blend, but rather a traditional English style blend. I would pick it up and try to smell through the foil, and then reach for something with a vanilla aura about it. This began a familiar routine for me, until one Saturday morning I decided to do the unthinkable: to try it out. If I didn't like it, I could always seal it up and put it away, but I had to know what the mystery was to these English style blends. The formal description of it is:

A traditional smoke for the discriminating English smoker, this mix of Red Virginia, Turkish, Burley, Latakia and Perique is of medium strength and guaranteed to please.

Posted by Joshua at 04:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (16)

Amaretto? But where? Oh such a disappointment to be sure! I'm a sucker for just about anything Amaretto, so when I stumbled across the bulk container of it at the Tinderbox, I was sure I had scored one hell of a deal. I did, but only in the sense that it was cheap. Barely a glimmer of Amaretto did I detect in this Cavendish blend. Truly a disappointment. I was so angry with the Amaretto that I dumped the rest of it into the batch of Cherry Almond that I couldn't stand just to see what would happen. Finally, the Amaretto did something, it cut the too sweet feeling of the Cherry Almond by about half (still not a comfortable, daily smoke). Now, I didn't feel like I wasted my money.

Posted by Joshua at 04:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The description listed for American Dream was pretty straightforward, and as I touched flame to the blend of Virginias, I discovered it to be quite accurate. It's described as

"blend of Perique and Virginias complimented by a soothing mixture of vanilla, coffee, rum and honey..".

Posted by Joshua at 12:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There are plenty of sites out there that do a pretty good job of explaining the differences in pipe tobacco. pipes2smoke, cigarleaf, or Jim Murray are good places to start learning about the different kinds of tobaccos that make up your particular favourite (or not so favourite). So instead of trying to rehash what someone else has done a pretty decent job of, I’ll tell you what I like and don’t like, and of course, this will spawn a new sub-category within Piping, called Flavors. I’m not quite sure how to structure this just yet so bear with me.

Posted by Joshua at 11:20 AM | Permalink

Ok, I lied. I had said the next installment would be about tobacco itself, and since I’m not sure how to go about doing that, I’ve postponed that for a few entries. Instead, I’ll talk about “my” method for properly loading the pipe, which is pretty similar to what you’ll find on the internet when searching this topic.

A fairly crucial element to your ever-growing arsenal of pipes, tobaccos, cleaners, jars etc. is the Czech Pipe Tool. .There’s better articles out there about what else you can do with the Czech Pipe Tool, so I’m only going to discuss it as it pertains to loading and maintaining a good pipe.

The way I go about loading my pipe, is I start in the kitchen with a good stare at all the containers of tobacco I’ve got stored in there. Sometimes I know exactly what I want to smoke, other times I need to stare at them for awhile. After selecting one, I put the lid of the container face down on the counter and hold my pipe bowl over the containers lid. I lightly grab a moderate pinch of tobacco and let this fall into the bowl. Some is going to spill and that’s okay, it’ll fall on the lid and be used later. The bowl should be overflowing just a bit with tobacco. I use the tamper of the pipe tool to press this tobacco down to the halfway point. Do not press firm - light and gingerly. I grab another pinch and do the same, tamping to the ¾ mark. Usually I’ve spilled enough tobacco on the container lid to finish off the bowl, and tamp this even with the top of the bowl. One of my pipes takes about 5 fillings to top off.

It sounds easy right? It will take a lot of practice to get this working the best for you. Sometimes I’m over zealous with my filling of the pipe, I try to cram as much in there as possible and shortly after lighting I find it difficult to get a good draw. Using the poker on the tool, you can gently poke down and make a clear path to the airhole, if not; you may need to empty the pipe and start over. A too full pipe will increase the amount of steam that builds up, and an increase in steam means a hotter smoke, and more chance of tongue bite. I’ve found that not putting enough tobacco in will make for a faster smoking bowl, the only drawback I’ve had with this is the pipe’s gone before you’re ready. (Aw shucks, have to smoke another).

When I light my pipe, I give a good steady burn around the entire top of the tobacco, moving the flame around in a circular pattern until the whole top is ablaze. I puff lightly, and soon have a pleasant cloud of smoke above my head. Not too long after this, the tobacco starts to burn very slowly, and there’s some grey ash on top. I lightly – very lightly tamp this ash down, and repeat the lighting process. This is a pretty standard method of lighting the pipe, and with practice, this is the last time you need to light the pipe. Every so often, lightly tamp the ash that has built up, and it will keep the tobacco burning for you.

When breaking in a new pipe, the first few bowls I smoke aren’t full ones, rather about a half bowl, just to slowly start building cake on the bottom. You’ll be able to discern when the pipe is “gone”, either by the lack of smoke and an inability to relight or with a new pipe, a different taste to the pipe. Wait for your pipe to cool for a bit, and then gently tap the bowl onto your palm, to remove any ash or dottle (unburned tobacco). If it’s your only pipe, wait about an hour or so before lighting up again.

As you read reviews of pipe tobacco you may think it’s a horrible thing to have dottle in your pipe. It’s either there or it’s not. A lot of it is going to depend on the tobacco you smoke, the pipe you’re using and how the Universe is feeling at that particular time. I enjoy a Vintage Syrian Latakia from Mac-Baren on occasion, and this is the only tobacco that burns completely to a grey ash. (It’s unbelievably tasty as well). Some of your aromatic tobaccos will leave moisture in the bottom of your pipe, and sometimes a thick goo from the glycols that are sprayed on the tobacco will be present. This should dry out, and with gentle attention from a pipe cleaner, disappear. Sometimes this doesn’t dry out very quickly at all, yet another good reason to have a few pipes on hand.

It’s a good idea to keep a couple pipe cleaners nearby, should your pipe start gurgling on you. Some pipes are more prone to gurgling than others; and some people, myself included are “wet smokers”. This means that not only do I clench the pipe, but I drool a lot. I drool a lot! My drool will drip just a bit into the pipe stem, and gurgle, while also creating a long telephone wire for Jeri to stare at when I remove the pipe from my mouth. Moist tobacco will also create gurgle; by quickly running a pipe cleaner down the stem, you can sop this up and end the gurgle. Gurgling sounds can also be heard if a small piece of tobacco blocks the airway, this will eventually burn and disappear.

Posted by Joshua at 09:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Perhaps the single most important thing I’ve learned about piping these last few months is: There is no right or wrong way to do things, everyone does them differently. I remember the first week I had my pipe, I was surfing the internet endlessly trying to find that “perfect” site that would finally clarify things. Was I smoking correctly? Why did this happen? Was this wrong? Am I even loading this thing correctly? Fortunately some time ago, I was afforded the opportunity to become friends with Kerry, who had been known to partake of the briar on occasion, and was more than willing to share his wisdom with me.

There are just a few items that you will need to truly enjoy your pipe, no…they’re not a prerequisite to smoking, but soon enough you’ll find they enhance your pipe smoking. First and foremost and perhaps the only prerequisite: you need a pipe. Much of this will be personal preference, and will change throughout your early days. (Note: I say early, as though I’ve been doing this for several decades now). I prefer bents to straights for the most part. They hang with comfort, and allow me to use my hands for other things. If I’m gaming or reading, the bowl will easily rest on my chest. I’ve acquired a few straights so far, and will generally use these when watching a movie etc., when I don’t need my hands to be free. I’m a pipe clencher, I grip pretty firm with my jaw, and the balance of the straight pipe makes this more of a difficult task. Some say a bent pipe keeps the smoke out of your eyes, others say a straight pipe keeps the smoke out of your eyes. For me, straights are easier to clean but that’s another chapter.

You don’t need to spend a lot of money on pipes right away. I still haven’t spent $50 on a single pipe, rather I’ve been spending money on “basket pipes” or tobacconist deals to find what size/shape/diameter I like best. Online retailers like www.pipesandcigars.com quite often haves specials like 3 pipes for uner $45.00. These are a pretty good deal; you won’t get the best pipes in the world, rather 3 imperfect “seconds” which are more than adequate for starting out. Tobacco stores (called B&M’s or Brick & Mortars), typically have pipes in this category set out in a basket on top of the counter, hence the “basket pipe”. These are also a good deal, usually sold separately and generally under $25. Walgreen’s and Wal-Mart carry Dr. Grabow pipes, which are mass produced for an economical purchase as well. (Many of these are supposedly “pre-smoked” so you don’t have to break them in (they’re smoked by machine)).

You could also hunt on eBay, or yard sales for what are called “Estate Pipes”. This is just a glorified name for, “Someone else’…probably a dead someone else’ pipe”. I’ve yet to buy one, from what I gather you can sometimes pick up a gem of a pipe in this method. Sometimes you’ll have to spend a fair amount of time cleaning the pipe, other times not. These aren’t necessarily cheap either. It still may be a couple hundred dollars for a single pipe.

www.deadmanspipes.com/ is a good place to go for estate pipes, eBay is supposed to be good as well – I’ll let you know if I ever get an estate pipe.

Corncobs are supposed to be great pipes actually. They generally run about $3-$6 each, allowing you to stock up on them. Stock up?

Yep, you are going to need more than one pipe in your collection. There are a couple of reasons behind this, with the primary reason being that you need to let your pipe “rest” between each use. During the resting time, the briar has a chance to cool completely, as well as dry out. This prolongs the life of the pipe, preventing it from cracking or exploding on you. Additionally, you’re most likely going to be smoking different kinds of tobaccos. Each tobacco you smoke is going to leave a bit of its finish in the pipe (aftertaste), and can affect the taste of a new or different tobacco. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, in fact it can be quite good; but if everything you smoke tastes like cherry, then it is a bad thing. Some tobaccos leave a large taste behind, “staining” the pipe and it takes many bowls of different tobacco to get the taste out. Mixture 79 is a great example of this.

I have a total of 5 pipes (so far). 3 bents and 2 straights. In the next couple of months, I hope to order another 3 for ____ special from www.pipesandcigars.com, and add a few more into my rotation. Some of the different tobaccos I smoke tend to be pretty latakia heavy, and this will add a bit of latakia taste to everything you smoke. I would like to have a few “dedicated latakia” pipes, a couple for my Spice, and a couple “tasting” pipes in my collection. Jeri’s been squawking about the swap meet, that’s supposed to be another good place to find estate pipes.

Generally with your first pipe purchase, you’re going to be at the mercy of the tobacconist. You’re going to get the style of pipe they like, and the tobacco they like. This worked out well for me, but if it doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world. At the very least, you’ve got a tasting pipe, and you are well on the road to knowing what some of your likes/dislikes are. (Don’t throw it away, you can use it later, trust me).

Next installment will be the second most crucial item….tobacco.

Posted by Joshua at 01:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

In response to Will's comment in the prior entry, and his desire for information on pipe smoking, I've added a new category, and will begin writing things I've learned, mistakes, habits, likes/dislikes etc. Look for the first installment to post sometime later tonight, I've got a lot to say on the topic, and must get them in proper order before I start writing.

Posted by Joshua at 10:08 AM | Permalink

I do have a lesson tomorrow. Maybe now I can get the Beethoven monkey off my back and move on to something different. Anything would be a nice change....well, almost anything, I was never that big of a Mozart fan.

It's been quite around Visceraman1 lately I know, it's been quiet around the workplace without any wisdom from Kerry, or love notes from Sweet Jeri. I haven't been doing much gaming as of late, the last thing I played was the DaVinci Code game; fun at first, but grew old after a few hours. This is okay, since I have a stack of books to read, and the library is making quick work of my request list. Nothing too serious in my book queue currently, catching up on quite a few missed Kellermans, and a John Irving I overlooked. There's an Augusten Burroughs (one of the funniest men alive), but Jeri snatched that away pretty quickly....it must be pretty good since she hasn't stomped into the room and flung it at my head (like the Confederacy of Dunces).

I must have been dreaming pretty good the other night, I woke up absolutely drenched in sweat. The only thing I've recalled dreaming from that night involved dermestid beetles....

**Update:
I did have my lesson, and got to play with the piano for most of the lesson as well! No, the Beethoven will still be heard throughout the house for the next week, and then....hopefully it will disappear. My starting the lesson with "Can we get rid of this now?" may not have been the thing to say. The lesson was free too....to quote Jeri, "Jews like a good bargain!"

Posted by Joshua at 06:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

The Utah National Guard is moving faster than anything ever happens in Tucson, with construction on a wall to prevent and deter illegal immigrants. I caught this moments after Kerry leaves for the day, so I didn't have a chance to ask him about this. Is immigration causing a problem in Utah? Not living there (What the fuck Tom?), I obviously have no idea if they are facing the same problems as we are here in Pima County. It seems like a long trek from Mexico, one that I (had my grandparents not come here) would have been far too lazy to make, but perhaps it does make sense. There's got to be an abundance of work available in the hospitality industry, especially in the winter, so it does seem like a logical, less crowded environment for them to head for. Again, I have no idea whether there is a growing problem or not, so I will leave that to be answered by my sage friend Kerry.

Posted by Joshua at 05:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)

Yes I've put ads on Visceraman1 now. This is just my ploy to get Visceraman1 to pay for itself each month. So far, I'm only lacking about $18.30 or so. I've yet to see any ads appear that might garner some interest in clicking on them, but I'll keep an eye on them and see if that changes. Perhaps after Jeri and Kerry start submitting their entries (would it be easier if I just sent you log in information?) that will change.

National Day of Slayer is quickly drawing to a close, and the only thing I did was listen to Reign in Blood once. Bad fan. Bad.

Posted by Joshua at 05:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Jeri likes to complain about the fact that scantily clad women will be used to sell just about anything. Toothbrushes, hamburgers, cars, beer and even insecticide. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm going to buy a product whether I get to see boobies or not. Boobies however, certainly make the commercial seem like less of an intrusion into my evening. A nice ass shot, well...for that I may just find myself at the store buying Thomas English Muffins.

This website, should complete the package though Sweet Jeri:

Cofani Funebri (Check out the *Fashion Line*)

Italian caskets coffins at their very best. I was set to order two, but a certain fellow in Utah apparently bought their entire stock. Dammit Kerry!

Posted by Joshua at 12:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I had told Kerry that I would do my best to contact Tonya Harding to see about the possibility of setting up a web cam feed, or to see if she could send a few video clips - the real videos, not the "here I am skating around and around" that are available from her website. Of course, I headed over to her website, to see what sort of contact information I could find. After being briefly delayed by some of the skating videos (who doesn't like short skirts?), I started to suspect that her website was a hoax. An evil deed perpetrated by (I suspect) none other than Nancy "Why why why" Kerrigan. My first clue was this statement:

"It would be having enough money to go hunting and fishing and go to the big four-wheel-drive mud bogs," she says. "And every once in a while put on a really pretty dress and go to dinner at a place like Applebee's or something."

Now, true Tonya fans know that she's a classy chick. Granted her fame, fortune or sex appeal hasn't driven her to an elitist level, where she will only eat at 5 star, shi-shi restaurants, where she is spoon fed her consomme by an Argentenian elf (or Matt Rowloff if he's available. But Applebee's? Come the fuck on. Just how stupid do you think we are Nancy? And, a pretty dress? Tonya knows perfectly well that only those living on the East side of Tucson put on good clothes to wait 40+ minutes for cheese sticks, chicken strips, and Steam-Um sandwiches.

I have so far been unable to locate contact information, but I have posted a message to the website, first touting the wonders of Tonya, as well as requesting information about the possibility of receiving an autographed photo of her. If I'm able to get this photo, I suspect there will some trouble at home. That trouble of course being, Which photo gets to be placed in the shrine? My photo of Tonya, or Jeri's collection of Dog memorabilia.

Posted by Joshua at 10:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)