Dear Diary: Smoke And Mirrors
So then....Last weeks absence was due to a slight venture to the very celluloid world of Las Vegas. Formally, we shall refer to this excursion as some sort of Clinical Anatomists Conference, however in stark reality, it ended up being our hotel, The Green Valley Ranch Resort (and Spa).
"Sweet Mary Mother Fucking Son of God" was the only thought that crossed my mind upon entering. (I suggest visiting their website for more on this.) In my years in this rather ghoulish field, I've been exposed to a few resort settings but [Insert above comment] [repeatedly], this palatial environment was overwhelming with it's opulence. A few shots of the grounds (courtesy of Doodle):
From behind part of the vineyard, looking towards the spa.
The Grand Staircase
The entrance to our very own tower of luxury
The bridge extending over the pool - this (one of a number of bodies of water found around the grounds, was a beach, with perfectly raked sand (just begging to be kicked about).
Same body of water, at night
And if you just want to soak your feet..
I'm really not sure why we didn't bother to take more pictures around the hotel, it could have something to do with the fact that I'm lazy, but no...we'll blame it on the ungodly heat that rains down upon the idiot denizens/worshippers of that damned city. Kudos to Doodle for braving it, while I sat upon my arse, listening to rants about maxillary artery grafts (what the hell?)(Kerry?).
Food was needlessly exorbitant, however we did have a Whole Foods at the end of the resorts shopping district. This was indeed a novelty for me, since I am clearly the last person in Tucson to embark on a shopping spree here. It's a good thing I was miles from home, otherwise the Bi-Polar in me would have really stepped up to the plate and overstocked the fridge, freezer, cupboards and bathroom. (Yes, the "crazy" in me did escape around the cheese display, where, when faced with all the creamy oozy delicacies my pant accidentally fell off.) (Once again, a hearty thank you to Doodle for covering for me on that one).
New foods tried? Jeri didn't care for it, but I did. Inside the hotel, we ate at a little Irish Pub, Fados. Over a pint of Guinness, I ate Jeri's Black and White Pudding. I thought it was tantalizing, and knew Jeri was wrong when she kept insisting that the White was Pig balls/scrotum. So the Black was made from blood.....it was still good.
Ever since my years in California, I've always enjoyed Fatburger. $19 for a burger though? Pshaw. Oh, and it was pretty sad/nauseating to see all the people shoving money (via tickets) into their respective slot machines. That of course doesn't mean I didn't give it a whirl:
See, I'll hook up the Video Poker (I think this was Deuces Wild mode)
And even temporarily broke the house
But let's face it, real gaming is done like this
Or in attack mode, whooping ass on the Doodle
In exchange for her patience with my gaming (Note: Doodle was also seen driving cars/riding bicycles etc), we set off into the scorching, disparaging heat to seek out none other than this guy:
Ok, truthfully, it was
On the way, we also stopped off for a requisite beer pose
Speaking of which, did you notice the beer in Jeri's hand earlier? If not, it may have something to do with the size of her hands, as well as the webbing of her fingers:
The ceiling at the Bellaggio was very nice indeed,
And so was the conservatory, but really, how is one supposed to photograph those?
Am I leaving anything out? Thank god for the bus, the massive amounts of lox I greedily consumed every morning, the passion-orange mojito, Bose Wave Radio in the hotel room, bubblebaths, $48 bottles of Grey Goose (1/2 liter), free and nearly constant bottled water from the hotel staff, every single thing about the hotel, my employer for sending me to the hotel, hand holding with the Doodle (did you see her hands?) Tollhouse Cookies straight from the source, the lions at the MGM, the fact that my escalator anxiety is back again (down only), and probably much much more.
Ok then. Next month, it's back to Ann Arbor.
