I was minding my own business yesterday morning, safe inside from the snakes, and sprawled out in front of my Tivoed "Knight Rider" episodes (having successfully talked myself out of my yoga for the day.) Michael Knight, was giving a solid beat down to the Scorpions (motorcycle gang...modeled after Tucson's East Side "Bikers" I'm sure), when I suddenly found myself on the receiving end of one of Jeri's flippers. (Those who mock her Thalidomide afflictions, or who think a flipper in the chest doesn't hurt, can leave, immediately.)
"Get up mother fucker!" she roared. "We've got blood, pussy and tattoos to go look at!".
"Did she just say what I thought she said?" I asked myself. No way. This can't be real. Not in the least, I was about to get up and look at the clock to see if I was still dreaming, when "WHAM!" came another smack of the flipper.
"There's plenty of ass too, but we don't have all day, now put your little toy car show away and let's go!"
Ducking into the weekend car (the Rambler), we headed off to god knows where. (Jeri was guiding, and jabbing at me with her webbed hand.) And soon, all was made clear.
We were hitting the Semi-Finals, of the Tucson Roller Derby. Indeed, Sweet Jeri had not lied, there was going to be plenty of the aforementioned Ass, Crotch, Blood and Tattoos. Also included for the price of admission, beer, and the ability to "try", repeat "try" to photograph the ongoing activities. The latter of course was the most difficult.
When we were able to get them to line up, and sit still, that wasn't as difficult:
But when they weren't, that was another story altogether.
See what I'm talking about?
Ok, once in a while, they do make it easy:
Halfway between each Bout, we (I say we, as in, "I'm speaking for the entire audience", were bomblasted by the crude mangy sounds of Pop Sensation, Pop Digastric, Super Pop Punkaroos, fuck it, some "Band" that reminded me of why I never liked punk music, especially the shit the kids in Tucson put out. So, if you ever see this band in your pub, run...
It should be noted however, that the guitar[ist], was a damn good rollergirl. And had a nice ass. And I was allowed to say that repeatedly, because Jeri liked her ass too.
Speaking of Jeri, after the finals this week, she's going to be stabbing those flippers into some skates, and showing the girls on the rink what she's made of.
As for me, I have a few Knight Rider episodes to get through before I do anything even remotely athletic.
