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September 09, 2007

Dear Diary: You Said What?

I was minding my own business yesterday morning, safe inside from the snakes, and sprawled out in front of my Tivoed "Knight Rider" episodes (having successfully talked myself out of my yoga for the day.) Michael Knight, was giving a solid beat down to the Scorpions (motorcycle gang...modeled after Tucson's East Side "Bikers" I'm sure), when I suddenly found myself on the receiving end of one of Jeri's flippers. (Those who mock her Thalidomide afflictions, or who think a flipper in the chest doesn't hurt, can leave, immediately.)

"Get up mother fucker!" she roared. "We've got blood, pussy and tattoos to go look at!".

"Did she just say what I thought she said?" I asked myself. No way. This can't be real. Not in the least, I was about to get up and look at the clock to see if I was still dreaming, when "WHAM!" came another smack of the flipper.

"There's plenty of ass too, but we don't have all day, now put your little toy car show away and let's go!"

Ducking into the weekend car (the Rambler), we headed off to god knows where. (Jeri was guiding, and jabbing at me with her webbed hand.) And soon, all was made clear.

We were hitting the Semi-Finals, of the Tucson Roller Derby. Indeed, Sweet Jeri had not lied, there was going to be plenty of the aforementioned Ass, Crotch, Blood and Tattoos. Also included for the price of admission, beer, and the ability to "try", repeat "try" to photograph the ongoing activities. The latter of course was the most difficult.


When we were able to get them to line up, and sit still, that wasn't as difficult:


But when they weren't, that was another story altogether.



See what I'm talking about?

Ok, once in a while, they do make it easy:



Halfway between each Bout, we (I say we, as in, "I'm speaking for the entire audience", were bomblasted by the crude mangy sounds of Pop Sensation, Pop Digastric, Super Pop Punkaroos, fuck it, some "Band" that reminded me of why I never liked punk music, especially the shit the kids in Tucson put out. So, if you ever see this band in your pub, run...

It should be noted however, that the guitar[ist], was a damn good rollergirl. And had a nice ass. And I was allowed to say that repeatedly, because Jeri liked her ass too.

Speaking of Jeri, after the finals this week, she's going to be stabbing those flippers into some skates, and showing the girls on the rink what she's made of.

As for me, I have a few Knight Rider episodes to get through before I do anything even remotely athletic.

Contrived by Joshua at September 9, 2007 01:11 PM

Comments

The thing is, not only could the girl stay upright on skates, but she also bothered to put some effort into her outfit with the cutest little ruffled pink panties, then she would fling off her skates and sling on her guitar, this girl had spunk! I know how to pick out the cool derby girls, stick with me. I do have the perfect personality for this, if only i didnt have knee troubles. My friend Dawn would have enjoyed the "jammer" from the vice team, because she was clearly the only one who came from a background with speedskating. She had a decent set of thighs that indicated real athleticism.

Posted by: doodle at September 9, 2007 02:08 PM

Indeed, she had quite nice thighs, which were somehow attached to a nice ass as well. Visceraman1 readers would be viewing gaggles of photos of her, had the man behind Visceraman1 not been a total, and complete idiot, and neglected to bring the fully charged battery.

TO THE CHAMPIONSHIPS THEN!

Posted by: Joshua at September 9, 2007 03:03 PM

An insult to photographers by thinking all you need is a charged battery. You need sports photography experience.

Posted by: doodle at September 9, 2007 03:37 PM

Exactly. I will be quite pleased to get more experience, particularly in this venue.

Posted by: Joshua at September 9, 2007 05:38 PM

Roller derby eh. A girl named Whiskey Mick is the daughter of a woman I work with.

Posted by: Will at September 9, 2007 08:08 PM

By george, that name sounds familiar....I think she may have competed.

Posted by: Joshua at September 9, 2007 10:10 PM

Yup, real short red head.

Posted by: d at September 10, 2007 07:58 AM

Did I mention my disappointment in the absence of nachos?

Posted by: Josua at September 10, 2007 10:22 AM

Holy crap, has anyone mentioned this sport to Tonya Harding, it appears to be contrived just for her qualifications. I am calling Larry Miller, I'm sure he is going to want one of these teams here in Salt Lake

Posted by: Kerry at September 10, 2007 01:01 PM

Posted by: Kerry at September 10, 2007 01:12 PM

Yeah, it seems like Tonya Harding would be a great rollergirl.

Posted by: Steph07 at September 10, 2007 07:38 PM

Knee bashing fits well in roller derby.

Posted by: Will at September 10, 2007 08:03 PM

WOOOOHOOOOO Roller Derby!!! That sooo rocks...I love the idea of girls totally kicking ass...Would have loved to seen that...That singer in the band is one hairy chick..she might think about waxing that or something...

Posted by: Tragic at September 10, 2007 09:40 PM

You slipped in there nice and easy Steph. Matter of fact I mistook you for my other friend, Tragic.

Posted by: doodle at September 13, 2007 06:49 AM

Ha!! The "Hairy chick in the band(Pop Gestapo, or Poop Gazpacho, as they sometimes call themselves)" is one of my bestest friends.

And yes, "Betty Anarchy" does have a nice ass.

Posted by: Seth-o at September 13, 2007 07:25 PM

Shouldn't these demure athletes be wearing more protective gear?

Posted by: Kerry at September 14, 2007 12:34 PM

I thought so initially, but then I realized that my "view" would be obstructed.

HEY...it was Jeri that asked if it was "wrong" to look up their skirts when they fell.

Like a good husband, I said "absolutely not". And then tripped her so I could look up her jeans.

Posted by: Joshua at September 14, 2007 04:23 PM

Miss Tragic, it kind of sounds like "Wisky Mick" the same one your friend Will mentioned earlier. Here are a few SQ updates, I drew Mrs. Violin yesterday (her husband asked about Joshua remember?)He was more striking than I imagined.
Your friend Melody has not been seen since June (and I dont get the feeling thats a good thing.) Miss Mary chopped off all her hair, that works for some women, perhaps not her. And lastly Guadalupe is trying to find some more backs for stabbing. We are heading for the Grand Finale of womens roller derby, a double header. I suspect more photos will be involved.
Miss you my dear one.

Posted by: doodle at September 15, 2007 03:32 PM

Mary in short hair?...it seems interesting...i don't find that working well for her.I remember the Mrs Violin...I was thinking about melody the other day...I wonder if she is just going to another SQL. she wasn't so great the last i saw her..she puts on a good act but i knew she was having a hard time...I am looking forward to more pussy, blood and tattoos!!! look up a few skirts for me...

Posted by: Tragic at September 15, 2007 04:26 PM

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